Get Him to the Nokia

6:03pm

i push the redial option on my iphone for the third time trying to get a hold of a guy named mike. as my call goes straight to voice mail once more, the smell of cinnabon and auntie anne's pretzels invade my nostrils. but this was no time to snack on those delicious treats. i was in the middle of rounding up the artist lloyd and his entourage from the culver city westfiield shopping mall. amp radio had booked lloyd to preform our mtv video music awards concert at club nokia that evening. i was assigned to make sure that he got to the venue on time for his performance at 8pm. how did i end up in a mall with less than 2 hours before curtain call? i was asking myself the same question.

4:00pm

i arrive at the station and get my paperwork / instructions for my task, meanwhile the rest of my co-workers were getting the venue ready for our concert that was to be held that evening. i am given the phone number to mike ( not his real name ), lloyd's manager, to call him and get further instruction. i am told to drive to the marriott at lax and meet up behind the hotel at the tour bus. i grab the car keys, directions to the hotel, and off i went. once i arrived, it wasn't hard to find the giant tour bus parked in the back. the first part of my task was to pick them up, and take them to their sound check at club nokia.

4:35pm

we are now a little behind schedule. my boss asks where i am. sound check is at 5pm. i had everyone in the vehicle ready to go but our main performer. in typical fashion, he was just taking his time. after explaining to his manager that in los angeles we are traffic's bitch, and we need to roll, he was able to get lloyd into the car and we were off.

5:10pm

we arrive. to save time, pull up to the loading zone outside of L.A. Live right in front of this restaurant called 'the farm'.  my co-worker was out front ready to escort them upstairs to the venue for sound check. to avoid a traffic ticket, i drive in circles around L.A. Live. as i make way around the block, i get stuck behind some cars stuck at a red light by the movie theater. i look over to my right, and see this homeless man asking to wash my window. i signal him to leave, but he proceeds to do it anyway. the light turns green, and the cars go, an he is still washing my window. a few cars honk, and the bum backs away from the car and goes to the sidewalk. my boss calls me. he explains to me that they are coming back downstairs and that i need to take them back to their hotel so they can change clothes, get some things in order, and need to be back to the venue by 7:45pm so they can be on-stage for their 8pm start time. i tell him i understand, i pull back up to where i dropped them off, and we go back en route to the hotel.

5:30pm

we weren't in the car for more than 2 minutes before the drummer of the band says that he needs to go the store "lids" to buy a new hat for tonight's performance. that is followed by lloyd saying that he needs a new shirt so he can look 'fresh to death'. i look to the digital clock on the dashboard, and think of the closest mall to their hotel. the culver city westfield comes to mind. for i had sat on the 405 freeway countless times looking at their billboards of promoting products that i don't need but still buy. i let them know where we're headed and we're off. i then hear the sound of a wrapper being crumpled up followed by the question of whether or not i would like a brownie. without thinking i accept the offer and was passed a square. but then it hits me. this is not just your average brownie. for it had that certain stank to it. i respectfully hand it off to the manager in the front seat and inform him that i am on the clock and cannot partake in the baked good. no harm, no foul. with a song 'chin check' by NWA on blast we head over to the mall.

5:50pm

i pull into a parking space, and with a blink of an eye everyone is out of the car. mike stands back with me and we proceed to follow them inside the mall. due to the time of day, there was a lot of foot traffic. with every passing female, the entourage made sure to say hello and proceed with a little more information than some would like. some girls took a liking to it, and others were offended. we make our way to lids. my boss calls, the store was noisy so i walked out to continue my conversation. i inform him that we are at the mall and will be back in time. i hang up the phone, turn around, and everyone is gone. i call mike, no answer. straight to voice mail. the signal in this area is known for being awful. so i stand there in a busy mall feeling like a baby sitter that lost the kid she was assigned to watch. this is where a little anxiety kicks in.

6:15pm

mike calls back. he has the drummer and keyboard player, but not lloyd. we meet up by a kiosk selling cell phone covers. mike finally gets ahold of lloyd and informs me he's on his way. i look over and the drummer had started up a conversation with the cute girl working the kiosk. from the body language toward eachother, i could tell that he had one goal in mind. lloyd shows up, and we take off.

6:50pm

we arrive back to the tour bus and they all get out. everyone gets on the bus, and the manager heads up to the hotel to grab something from his room. by this point in time, my cell phone battery had gotten down to 10%. all the usage from the day had finally taken it's toll. i know that i'll need more than 10% to last the duration of my shift to keep in contact with my boss and co-workers. i keep a close eye on the digital clock on the dashboard and have the a/c running in the car as i wait.

7:10pm

i still hadn't heard a peep from the manager or seen anyone leave the bus. getting a little nervous, i decide to call mike and tell him that we need to leave to make it on time. next thing i know, my battery is at 5%. figuring that there is probably an iPhone charger on the bus, i go and knock on the door. i am welcomed by one of the biggest dudes i have ever seen. looking down at me, without blinking, he immediately shuts the door on me. within seconds the drummer opens the door and says they were 'fuckin' with me' and lets me inside. i said i needed to plug in my phone and that we needed to leave as soon as mike comes down. in the shuffle to find a charger, paraphernalia of all types were being moved around. a think layer of smoke also lingered in the air. 'FOUND ONE!' i hear this woman say, it was under a stack of playboy magazines and one massive bag of weed. the woman passes me the charger, and she looks awfully familiar, but can't put my finger on it. so i went ahead and asked her where she worked to maybe get a clue. she told me that she worked at one of the beer stands at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.

FLASHBACK! a couple nights back i had attended a lil wayne concert at that venue and she had served me beer for the duration of that night. lloyd was the opening act for that particular concert.

all by damned, i say under my breath. my guess is that somehow she had crossed paths with someone from the entourage that evening and she did something right in order to be on that tour bus tonight. i informed her that she had served me drinks at the concert a few nights back. and once everyone heard i was at that concert it was like i had become a member of the family. a seat was offered, among other things that you would only see in a rap music video ( which i declined because i didn't want to lose my job ). they asked me about my opinion of what i thought of their set list and how it panned out. so, i gave them my two cents and that proceeded until mike showed up.

7:30pm

mike finally comes to the bus, and we head out to the car. and off to the venue we went. with a few beads of sweat dripping off my brow from being nervous, i wipe them away and stay focused. i know that i can get them to club nokia by curtain call. it wasn't the ideal time my boss wanted me back, but it was the best i could offer considering that trying to get this group of people together was like herding cats. with the song "natural born killaz" by Ice Cube just bumping through the speakers i use the carpool lane and a few back streets trying to get to L.A. Live. as i made my way around the northeast corner by the movie theater i could see the entrance to the underground parking structure of where i needed to go. looking ahead to find a route to get around, what do i see, but that same homeless man starting his walk toward a car, two cars ahead of me. knowing he's going to distract that driver, and cause a backup, i change lanes, pass the car with the window washing bum, and cut right back into my lane, and go down into the parking structure. i find the industrial elevator that goes to the backstage area of the club and pull up. a co-woker is there there to take them up.

7:55pm

i park the car, and head upstairs. and at 8:02pm lloyd goes on stage and preforms his set to a crowd of excited radio listeners that had won tickets. i go to the green room after the performance to check in because i still needed to get them back to their hotel. i am greeted with some catered food and offered a seat by the big man that had previously shut the tour bus door on me earlier. he told me that my driving skills were not bad for a 'craker'. we fist bumped and went to town on the best chicken wings i've ever had. next thing i know, we're bro'ing out over how awesome the '8 mile' soundtrack is. after lloyd did some interviews for our station, i got them back together and headed back to the car. once we got in, the drummer informed me that we needed to make a stop and pick someone up. i rolled up to this gas station off the 405 freeway and i see this girl walk up to the car to get in. it was the cell phone cover kiosk girl from the mall! apparently the drummer got her number earlier and invited her to the after party. she gets in the car and i proceed to the hotel. everyone gets out, i'm thanked by everyone and get a big hug from the big dude. i was invited up to the after party, but i declined because i had my own after party to attend to with my work family. as much fun as i'm sure that would have been, there's nothing like celebrating with your co-workers after an event that is successful. and i'll tell ya what. that beer had never tasted so good after that day.

No Introduction: Grilled Cheese and Butternut Squash Soup

alright, so it's that time of day where you've been thinking about what you're going to do for dinner tonight. or maybe even what you're going to nom on this weekend. from what i can see out my window, it's cloudy fall awesome weather. which makes people like myself not in the mood to create some crazy concoction of a meal. so i'm going to make a suggestion. i don't care if you do it tonight, this weekend, next month, or never. either way you're reading this and waiting for me to get to the point. here's something easy to make, and won't take much time or clean up:

Grilled Cheese and Butternut Squash Soup. why butternut squash soup instead of tomato? because butternut squash is in season and way better than tomato. plus it's more fun to say butternut than tomato. not a fan? i don't really care. below i have made a list of different cheeses, breads, and additional things to add to make whatever grilled cheese sounds good for the moment. because let's be honest, depending on your mood when you read this, the combination will be different. for all i know you're drunk right now from happy hour and could go for adding bacon to your grilled cheese over using a slice of turkey. or the combination of both sounds bomb dot com. either way. go nuts! it's a fall evening tonight, and no one wants to be productive or really cook something too hard. especially if you're getting around to reading this late tonight and you're starving after coming home from drinking colorful shots and your favorite taco stand packed up early. . . they can be so selfish sometimes.

Either way, below are my suggestions to help guide those of you who need someone to still hold their hand. also, adding pecans or your favorite nut ( that's what she said ) to the butternut squash soup is a nice touch. hopefully i have been somewhat of a service. if not, i'm sorry you won't get the last 5 minutes of your life back that you used to read this. but at least you were productive. you could have been out having a staring contest with a billy goat or listening to a debate about who's cooler: the dominos pizza noid or spuds mckenzie. for which there is no debate because they are of equal righteousness.


Cheese:

-Cheddar
-Colby-Jack
-Blue Cheese
-Gouda
-Fetta
-Brie
-Monterey Jack
-Mozzarella
-American
-White American
-Provolone
-Cream Cheese ( you don't know until you try )
-Colby
-Havarti
-Pepperjack

Bread:

-Sourdough
-White
-Wheat
-Rustic Italian
-Hoagie roll
-Whatever you got in the kitchen. You could have peta bread for all I know.

EXTRA:

-bacon
-tomato
-caramelized onions. ( sounds fancy, but easy to make if you can focus )
-sliced meats ( ham, turkey )
-apple slices ( sounds bizarre, but with the right combination it works. haters )
-bacon ( it's so good, you mention it twice )
-spinach 

DRANKS:

- you know what you like. i can't judge or suggest here. pumpkin ale perhaps? 2 buck chuck? #dowhatyouwant

I'm With You

the smell of burnt coffee lingers in the air as i continue to clean up cookie crumbles and leftover cheese and crackers from the table. the only thing left to wipe up the table with is a single sheet of paper towel that hadn't been used. the sugar packet that helped hold up a leg of the table slips out leaving the table to wobble back and forth as i clean. i'm done. the door to the church recreation room opens with a creaking sound and a woman in her late 20's comes through the door. she asks for a cell phone to make a call for a taxi. i hand her my phone, and offer her what is left of the snacks on the table. happily, but a little hesitant, she accepts, grabs a plastic cup and fills it up for the road. she thanks me and walks outside. i say goodbye to everyone still interacting in the room, put on my headphones and walk out the door. it's july and there is a random rain storm that had accumulated during the duration of my time inside. thinking ahead, i wore a sweatshirt before i left home. as i walk away from the church, i notice the woman taking shelter under the overhang of  the building. i asked her if she needed any help getting to where she was trying to go. there was a pause as she lit her cigarette, but then she shook her head. noticing that she probably had a rough evening, i asked her she needed someone to talk to. she replied with, "that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week." i told her i had nothing but time, and sat down next to her.

considering it was july, the rain that was falling was colder than usual that night. "everything is a mess" she says. what followed was a story of addiction, failed relationship, and emptiness. she had just been kicked out of her boyfriend's apartment because she ran out of cocaine and refused to get more. she then proceeds to show me a zip-lock bag from her purse with some coke left in it. i asked her why she lied to her boyfriend. she said it was because she wanted to make a change in her life. she wanted to be kicked out of his apartment. if she she had showed her boyfriend that she had more coke left, then she wouldn't be sitting on the stoop of a church on a thrursday night with me waiting for a cab. this was her turning point. the cab she called was going to take her to her parents house, to be in a safe place. although, the relationship between her and her parents was to be determined. the cab pulled up, she gave me a huge hug, and she got in the car. but right before the cab took off, i see the cab window go down and she tells me "thank you. thank you for your listening ear, and giving your time to a stranger who needed a friend."

the cab drives off, my headphones go on. i choose the 'shuffle' option on my ipod and the song 'i'm with you' by avril lavigne comes on ( that's right, i have that on my ipod ). Here are some lyrics from that song:

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone.

as i'm walking home listening to this song, i couldn't help but feel a connection to it. the odds of this tune coming up on my ipod from the shuffle option was no coincidence.  on that walk home it really help put some things into perspective for me. about 7 weeks earlier i had moved to los angeles from the valley to be closer to work. so on my walk back home i passed everything from the homeless, to people on a date holding hands, and empty beer cans that line the gutter. i pass restaurant windows with people with smiling faces and families gathering for a late dinner. with only assumptions as to what i saw from glancing as i walk by, it was like looking through windows of the past 28 years of my life. all things i could relate too. being on a date, eating with family, to relating to the homeless ( story for another time ). i don't have many nights of reflection that i can recall in my life, but this night was one of them. for i wasn't walking home from just giving a stranger my time. it wasn't a bible study. it wasn't a thursday night church service. it was an AA Meeting. meeting number 17 out of 30 that i was ordered by the court back in may. for i was arrested for drinking and driving. i haven't been able to share my experiences until now because the court process is now finished. it has been a life changing experience these past couple months. the night i was arrested, i will always consider it the night my life was saved, and more importantly, others. it's a long story of how it happened, but i'll save that for another time. the main issue is that it happened, i learned from my mistake, and i am accepting my punishment.

for the i know the plans i have for you, says the lord. plans for good, and not for evil. to give you a future and a hope.

Girl With The Red Balloon

It's been a little over a year since I've written anything, and for those who kept up every week, I apologize. I got a little writers block and decided to put this aside. As of lately I have been putting together thoughts and ideas over the past months and I am getting ready to put them out. In the meantime, I am going to leave you with a little something that was 4 years in the making, and it didn't make much sense to write it until now. I hope you take something from it, and stay tuned for new blogs.


 In 2008, 2 friends and Myself moved into a new apartment located in Tarzana, California. The move was necessary due to the fact that one was engaged to be married later in the year, and the other was on the verge of proposing to his girlfriend. I Myself had been in a serious relationship and was planning on staying in this particular apartment for only one year, for I had plans to move to Nor Cal in the following spring to live closer to my girlfriend. During the first late afternoon living there, I was moving a couch onto the porch ( because every bachelor pad needs a couch on the porch ), and I remember hearing a car door shut below me. Our porch overlooked the top level of the parking garage. I see a woman holding a red balloon helping her child put on his backpack, lock the car, and start walking down the sidewalk that ran parallel with our building. The woman was a young mom of late 20's and from what I could tell the kid was probably in the 1st grade. She held his hand as they walked past my 2nd story porch, and she looked up at my friend and I, for we were making a ton of noise. We shot each other a smile and a wave as she walked by.

 It is now Spring 2012, and I am cleaning out the closet on that very same porch, of junk that needs to be thrown away before I move out in the coming weeks. I hear a car door shut below me and I see the same woman getting out of her car, her child isn't so much a kid anymore, and their 2 year old dachshund dog hopped out of the car behind him. As they approached the path by my apartment, the boy ran by with the dog by his side. The woman looks up to me and waves hello. I give a smile and wave back. It been 4 years since our first interaction had occurred. Over time I witnessed this young mom and her child become a small family before my very eyes. When I moved there, I was under the impression that it was just going a place to rest my head before I started my life up in Nor Cal. Little did I know that it was going to be the apartment where I was going to finally grow up. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I wasn't all that much different from that woman and her child. Our only interaction would be from my porch as she went back and forth from her car. But I witnessed little instances that were major in her life, and they always seemed to parallel my own.

I'm sure she didn't want to live in that little apartment raising her child alone just as much as I didn't want to live there any longer than a year so I could go and start my new life up north. I heard everything from teaching her child discipline, phone calls to a dead beat ex-boyfriend, to teaching her son how to walk the dog. These occurrences were major life happenings going on her life, and I witnessed them from my porch. Strangely enough, she would always walk by as I would be going through shit of my own. Everything from the demise of a 3 year relationship, my phone calls about changing careers, and my very last drink of cheap vodka ( almost 2 years sober from that bottle ).

 I was in that apartment 3 years longer than I expected. It was in no way a bad thing. Although, there were times where I was unsure how to proceed. And I'm sure that woman thought the same thing. I think that is why she bought the puppy. I noticed that with the addition to that puppy, it created a sense of growth in the relationship with her son, and it was also a way to help teach her son responsibility. The day they brought that puppy home, was around the same time I left behind my life as an actor. I chose to bring stability back into my life and get a job at the radio station. I never got the names of this woman or her son and I'll never truly know her full story, but I believe God put them in my life to let me know that we are all in this together. I wasn't going to really understand this concept until I had moved out of that apartment and into my new living situation. It was also because of learning that lesson that I was able to finally let go of my past and move on with my life. I finally feel like my past will never come back to haunt me, for I have come to peace with what God has in place for me ahead. All I can do now is live by the faith of God because he has everything under control. And I encourage you all to do the same, life is so much easier once you grab onto that concept.



 "Did she let him go or did the four winds blow him away. Does she even know She's the girl with the red balloon." - The Civil Wars

Forward it Paid

"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses." - Trevor (Haley Joel Osment)

That quote was taken from the film "Pay it Forward," one of my top 10 favorite movies. I'm not being byist because I'm a big Kevin Spacey fan, but this movie is solid across the board, and I could write a fifty page paper on this movie because it is full of greatness. But I want to focus on the quote above for the moment. Change is not easy for anyone. If it was, then the word wouldn't exist at all. People seem to get set in their ways, and even though I'm only 27, I noticed that I have fallen into a pattern; whether it be the way I choose how to make decisions, the way I treat others, or even how I spend my time after work. I know that we all have that moment where we tell ourselves, "well, this is who I am, this is what I like, and this is how I do things. So why change?" That is a way of just giving up on yourself and not being able to grow. When you don't grow or contribute to those around you, 'everybody kind of loses.'



The way I see it is, everyone that is alive at this point in time, are meant to be here for a reason. I know that there are people my age who say that they wish they were around for the '70s. But maybe the reason God didn't create them until now is because that time period might not have been the best or healthiest for that person and their personality, or their addictions for that matter. I know that I have always thought it would be cool to live through the '50s. Life was much simpler then, but the reality is, I'm here now, and so are all of you reading this. We are all here because we compliment eachother in different ways and can help eachother. That's why the idea of paying it forward is such a great idea.

About a month or so ago, I was struck with the realization that maybe the reason I am were I am in life is because my friends and family might need my undivided attention and help right now. I wouldn't be able to give them advice, or be able to help them if I was the selfish, prideful boy that I was for so long. I have gotten the feeling that the lesson that I am learning right now is how to really be there for someone. To listen, and to understand that what's important is them, and not myself. Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." One of the things I want in life is a family of my own. So how could I truly be there for my wife and family if I don't know to put them first? Learning to become humble and have integrity are the key points here. I have always been there for my family, friends, and I have always been there for my girlfriends, but I don't feel like I understood how to REALLY BE THERE for them at the same time. I didn't grasp the whole concept because my career required all of my attention. When we look to the needs of others it honors Christ.

I won't name any names, but over the past couple months, I have been able to help certain people with some of the struggles they have been faced with. Whether it be dealing with a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend, friends with anxiety, loneliness, financial issues, death of a close friend from suicide, or how to start over again. I have dealt with those issues and have come out on the other side. I am happy that people know that I can be there to help them through it. Because for me, for the most part, I had to conqueror some of those things on my own because none of my friends have ever gone through some of those issues. They were there as a listening ear, but I know the exact emotion that really makes you break down, and that's how I am able to help.

In the song "Eleanor Rigby" by the Beatles, it says, "Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave. No one was saved." Wiping the dirt from your hands is an illustration that you are going to get rid of something and forget about it. Obviously if the minister at her funeral is that anxious to be rid of her memory then who else is there to care and remember her. This is something is avoidable, and something That I feel like we all lack. For me personally, I'm learning to not "wipe" my hands. But to reach out my hand to be there, and listen. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear." - Luke 8:8. We aren't meant to go through life alone. And you don't have to be in a relationship to be considered "not alone." Some people who are in relationships/married feel alone.



If God never put me through all the really terrible experiences, I wouldn't be able to help out the others who are going through the same feelings. That is why we are all here on earth at the same time. It's not a coincidence that you meet certain people. Some people teach us patience, others teach us love. Some people teach us how to be humble, and others are there to hold our hand. God made you different so you can complenment eachother, complete eachother and strengthen eachother.

"People with a heart for God have a heart for people."

A Scotch Taped Heart

"I was sitting with my friend Arthur Kornblum, in a restaurant, it was a Horn and Hardart cafeteria. And this beautiful girl walked in and I turned to Arthur and I said Arthur, you see that girl? I'm going to marry her. And two weeks later we were married. And it's over fifty years later and we are still married."

That story was taken from (in my opinion) the best romantic comedy of my time, "When Harry met Sally." Throughout the film they have elderly couples tell of how they met and conclude with how long they had been together. This is one of my favorite of the stories. It's a story that tugs on the ol' heart strings. It's the the concept of "love at first sight" that everyone experiences at sometime in their lives. Whether it be when you are little and you have your first crush, or later on when you spot the woman/man of your dreams. There isn't a single human being that can't tell you the story of their first crush, and you never forget the feeling that comes with it. I remember when I had my first crush, I pulled the move of writing a letter saying I liked this girl, had the check boxes "Yes" and "No" and my locker number at the bottom and stuffed it in her locker. I did get a response, it was, "I don't know who you are, so I can't answer." What a dumbass! I forgot to put my name on the letter! She did leave her phone # to call though. This was all in the 5th grade. It took me weeks to get up the nerve to call. Once I finally did, I totally got rejected. Ha Ha Ha. But 6 years later, we started dating, and that went on for 2 years. What had started off as a crush turned into my first love.

We all long for that feeling of being loved. Not the love that you receive from your parents or family members. But from someone who you know will be there no matter what. They know you better than you know better than you know yourself and vice versa. There is that level of respect for eachother that is unexplainable. I have been fortunate enough to experience these feelings at some point or another. That is the only way that I know how to explain what being in love means. In my case, I have had more than a few long term relationships, and have been in love more than once. I have come away with more wisdom after each one. I have been asked the questions, "How come you can't keep a relationship?" "What happened? Couldn't the two of you figure it out?" "What did you do?!" (I've heard that one on more than one occasion, but it was only a legit question once.) I have found that these questions can only be answered once you get your mind right after a break up. The answer that sums it up is a quote that from the film "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."



It was the part of the movie when Benjamin had spent every late night with that woman in the kitchen, and one day she was just gone. Benjamin was asked what happened, and he replies, "It ran it's course." I believe that there is a timeline for this sort of thing. Sometimes people who are meant for eachother meet too early or too late. But that's just part of the journey and makes life interesting. Sometimes it takes time and you find yourselves on the same page later on, you just met eachother a little early that's all. I like to view my heart as one that is held together with scotch tape, and I have this tape dispenser that never runs out. After every time it breaks, it takes time to tape it back together because some of the same pieces have been shattered more than once. Once it is fixed, it is more fragile than the time before. But each piece of tape represents something that was learned from the relationship. It signifies growth and integrity that will be there for the next relationship.



There is no such thing as a failed relationship. No matter how bad it was, or what was said. I have had a girlfriend of two years cheat on me, I've been left behind by another, was snubbed twice in the next venture, and had a relationship of 3 years disappear in front of my very eyes. It was not a waste of time, no matter how you look at it. It took me about a year to figure out that concept with someone I had fallen in love with. The break-up was so terrible that I viewed it as failure. I viewed it as a failure because so much time and work had been put into it, and to see it fall apart left me dis-trot, and a lot of times people don't ever recover from it, and they bring it into their next relationship. When they do that, it's not fair for the new relationship, it doesn't give it it's own room to grow. That's why time in-between to get your mind right is so healthy, this is a concept that I had to learn the hard way. . . TWICE! Ha Ha Ha! I know that sometimes we get upset because we thought that we would be married by a certain time, or it's impossible to find anyone. The reality is, you aren't in control. Jim Gallery said, "It's your choice, you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments."

The best things in life come when you don't expect them. I had that happen to me once before, she was truly a blessing from above. The timing was just off that's all. One thing I do know is, you can't manipulate love, or who to love. Where's the fun in that? You can't just go to whom you feel "comfortable" or it feels "safe." I have found that when I feel the most terrified, that is when I find out where I belong. Everyone wants to be find love. Everyone wants to be loved. But when you truly feel loved, that's when you will feel complete. So for those of you who have found true love, cheers to you my friends, and you know that I couldn't be more happy and supportive for you. For those who haven't, you will, I promise.

"No Love Lost. . . No Love Found." - Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.