Shadow of the Day

It's been a little while since I have written anything, and that is due in part to the lack of work I have over the last 2 weeks. Mid June til the first of August is DEAD for work. Which sounds awesome because it's the summer time and I have some free time to enjoy it. The fact of the matter is, I'm almost 27 years old and have bills to pay and a future to plan. I deal with anxiety attacks and having down time sometimes triggers it. Anxiety never really helps with my OCD either. So the last couple weeks have been a little rough for me. Not only does doing background work provide for me financially, but it also provides me with social interaction and fellowship. One of the things that God has tried to make to clear to us is that we must but aside time for fellowship. Erwin McManus says; "The real measure of our lives will not be all the things we obtain or all the goals we achieve or all the successes we acquire. Real success will be the relationships we have built, the lives we have touched, the people we have loved and who have loved us and invested in us."

And as most of you know, I am a socialite and not having fellowship allows my mind to wonder and get me thinking of things that either aren't actually true or even happening. So hiatus is a very tough time for me. Luckily I have been blessed with some little trips with friends and dinners to keep me from really going crazy.

So I have been doing a lot thinking lately about what the next step I will take. I've been doing background for 4 years and have had some great stories and memories, but I feel little or no sense of accomplishment. For 4 years, every weekday, I have called the same phone # every 10 minutes for 8 hours looking for work for the previous day. When I did the math it came out to this: 144 minutes a day. 37,440 minutes a year. 149,760 minutes over the coarse of 4 years. I average 3 minutes on the phone each time I call every 10 minutes. 149,760 MINUTES?! Are you kidding me? That's not including the amount of time I am on hold when I find a job that fits me, not knowing if I will get the job and have to go back to calling. But like I've said, there are call-in services that you can pay to do it for you, but you STILL have do call yourself because they don't guarantee they will get you the work.

So what do I do? Personally I feel like God is telling me that my run of doing background work FULL TIME has reached it's end. What I mean by this is; I have 4 years of connections I have made with people in the industry. I have 4 years of knowledge of how it works and what is expected. So now it's time to apply that knowledge and contacts. I still do background work, but just less of it. I am confident in my social skills and creativity that I can stop using background as a crutch. I once read that through Christ we have the freedom to let go. So I am putting my trust in God more now than I have in the past with my career. "Once we can release our grip on any attitude that keeps us from following Christ, we find true freedom in letting go." David McCasland.