I'm With You

the smell of burnt coffee lingers in the air as i continue to clean up cookie crumbles and leftover cheese and crackers from the table. the only thing left to wipe up the table with is a single sheet of paper towel that hadn't been used. the sugar packet that helped hold up a leg of the table slips out leaving the table to wobble back and forth as i clean. i'm done. the door to the church recreation room opens with a creaking sound and a woman in her late 20's comes through the door. she asks for a cell phone to make a call for a taxi. i hand her my phone, and offer her what is left of the snacks on the table. happily, but a little hesitant, she accepts, grabs a plastic cup and fills it up for the road. she thanks me and walks outside. i say goodbye to everyone still interacting in the room, put on my headphones and walk out the door. it's july and there is a random rain storm that had accumulated during the duration of my time inside. thinking ahead, i wore a sweatshirt before i left home. as i walk away from the church, i notice the woman taking shelter under the overhang of  the building. i asked her if she needed any help getting to where she was trying to go. there was a pause as she lit her cigarette, but then she shook her head. noticing that she probably had a rough evening, i asked her she needed someone to talk to. she replied with, "that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week." i told her i had nothing but time, and sat down next to her.

considering it was july, the rain that was falling was colder than usual that night. "everything is a mess" she says. what followed was a story of addiction, failed relationship, and emptiness. she had just been kicked out of her boyfriend's apartment because she ran out of cocaine and refused to get more. she then proceeds to show me a zip-lock bag from her purse with some coke left in it. i asked her why she lied to her boyfriend. she said it was because she wanted to make a change in her life. she wanted to be kicked out of his apartment. if she she had showed her boyfriend that she had more coke left, then she wouldn't be sitting on the stoop of a church on a thrursday night with me waiting for a cab. this was her turning point. the cab she called was going to take her to her parents house, to be in a safe place. although, the relationship between her and her parents was to be determined. the cab pulled up, she gave me a huge hug, and she got in the car. but right before the cab took off, i see the cab window go down and she tells me "thank you. thank you for your listening ear, and giving your time to a stranger who needed a friend."

the cab drives off, my headphones go on. i choose the 'shuffle' option on my ipod and the song 'i'm with you' by avril lavigne comes on ( that's right, i have that on my ipod ). Here are some lyrics from that song:

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone.

as i'm walking home listening to this song, i couldn't help but feel a connection to it. the odds of this tune coming up on my ipod from the shuffle option was no coincidence.  on that walk home it really help put some things into perspective for me. about 7 weeks earlier i had moved to los angeles from the valley to be closer to work. so on my walk back home i passed everything from the homeless, to people on a date holding hands, and empty beer cans that line the gutter. i pass restaurant windows with people with smiling faces and families gathering for a late dinner. with only assumptions as to what i saw from glancing as i walk by, it was like looking through windows of the past 28 years of my life. all things i could relate too. being on a date, eating with family, to relating to the homeless ( story for another time ). i don't have many nights of reflection that i can recall in my life, but this night was one of them. for i wasn't walking home from just giving a stranger my time. it wasn't a bible study. it wasn't a thursday night church service. it was an AA Meeting. meeting number 17 out of 30 that i was ordered by the court back in may. for i was arrested for drinking and driving. i haven't been able to share my experiences until now because the court process is now finished. it has been a life changing experience these past couple months. the night i was arrested, i will always consider it the night my life was saved, and more importantly, others. it's a long story of how it happened, but i'll save that for another time. the main issue is that it happened, i learned from my mistake, and i am accepting my punishment.

for the i know the plans i have for you, says the lord. plans for good, and not for evil. to give you a future and a hope.