Just about 2 months into my job and I feel like I finally have a good handle on what is expected of me. This is a good feeling on many levels. I can now start to express where I find more interest out of all the departments. I have expressed to one of my managers where it is I would like to go from here. I realize that I haven't been there as long as some of my co-workers, but that doesn't mean I can't work harder to pass them. I expressed that I want to do voice over for the commercials that air in between songs. I would like to help out more with the pop culture blogging and twitter accounts that they provide on their website as well. The last thing I asked was to be considered to be apart of the "first listen sessions" they have for new music. You would give your opinion on it, and also contribute to other new songs you have heard that you feel the station should play.
I finally feel apart of a team and that is something that has been missing in my life for a long time. It is part of the many things God has been teaching me these past months. It's all apart of the big picture that He has been trying to show me. I have been given a job that creates stability in my life. Stability is the source of what keeps sanity. Having said that, I have decided to put acting on the shelves until God gives me the green light again, if he does at all. I will still work on "How I Met Your Mother" when they call me, because that has been a big part of my life for 3 years. My reason for making this decision is simple. . . it's for my own health and well-being and for those I care about most. Let me explain:
When I gave up everything and became an actor full time, I invested ALL my time and ALL my energy to finding work and networking. With all my focus going in that direction it took all my patience and focus on what is important. So at the end of the day, my attitude was based on whether or not I was successful to get work for the following day. I didn't have any energy or patience left in me to give toward my friends or significant other. I was running on empty every night I went to bed. This is where negativity started to come into play. With negativity came irritability with my surroundings. Even the most beautiful of things looked dark to me. I was only my true self some of the time. When this was all going on, people around me where moving forward in their careers and relationships, while I was moving backwards.
As I have been working on myself on becoming a better man, and learning what it is to be someone who can provide/care for my future wife and children, it has become clear to stop that lifestyle all together. It is because of lifestyles like these people lose what is most important in their lives. And for me, I envisioned my wife walking out on me and taking my children with her. I envisioned this image because with that lifestyle comes excuses and empty promises you make over and over again. I have missed out on great fellowship and important days because I made the excuse of "well this might be my break, this might be my audition." Those are events I can't ever have back. If you apply this to later on in life, I would miss my son's 1st birthday or my anniversary with my wife. Once I envisioned this, I told myself that I will never become that man. It's a lesson that I am very grateful that I am being taught. Because if I were to watch the silhouette of my wife and children walk out on me it would be a pain I don't think I would be able to bear. And I was definitely on that path of destruction.
Luckily for me, God has shown me mercy. Even though it has been a hard road to fix habits and characteristics I have picked up, I have peace of mind that God has been building me back to the man he intended me to be. I want to be the best man I can be when it comes to all aspects in my life; at work, husband, father, loyal friend, boyfriend, son in law, brother in law, and brother. Never will I ever wonder "What if" because I know where my heart was while I perused that career. When my heart is in the right place for my career, I will be happy and know that is where I am suppose to be. My future and those who I love depend on it.
My mouth shall speak wisdom, and the meditation of my heart shall give understanding. PSALM 49:3
No comments:
Post a Comment