It is yet an end to another week. To most people it's, "another day, another dollar." I hear this saying a lot and I myself have even said it. It became something I would tell myself at the end of the day. Looking back on it, it was just another way of saying, "I got through today, and tomorrow doesn't look much different." It's a way to get some people onto the weekend and closer to the the goal that they see in the future. But I think that sometimes as we get into the routine of saying it, we start to kid ourselves. For example, when I first started out as an actor and got it into my head that there was a lot of hustling around and spinning my wheels, and the best way to make me feel better was to tell myself that it was "another day, another dollar." It is because of this mentality that we sometimes miss out on life and the people we surround ourselves with. It's funny because we use this mechanism to help time go faster to when we think our lives will be where we want it. But we don't even know when technically that time is. I know for me, that time will be when I am married, have kids, a steady job, and friends to fellowship with. But how can we get to this point if all we do is cross off another day on the calendar and go to bed?
The obvious answer is to put your faith and trust in God that you will get there. But that means you got to talk with him AND listen. If the relationship part isn't there, how can you grow and enjoy life? You can, and people do, but, they feel emptiness. I have been there before. A couple years ago, I had created for myself a life that worked for "me." I had been dropped from a 3 year relationship, and the only way I was able to pick myself back up was to tell myself that I didn't need anyone but me. I did whatever I wanted; I was sleeping on couches of friends houses on the weekends and was just living a life of a nomad. I was also acting at the time, so all my focus went into finding work, and my hours of operation were so off the wall that I was barely home. This lifestyle worked for me because I had created a schedule so busy I didn't have time to worry or even care about the future. The mentality I had was, "it is, what it is, and things will just fall into place. I don't know when, but they will."
I had also created a confidence that I had never felt before. It was like I was an audience of one. Confidence is a great trait, and is attractive to people. But it's a trait that walks a fine line. I created this life because it kept me occupied and helped keep my mind off the fact that I didn't have a girlfriend to care for. It was because of this ignorance that I would soon find out that I missed out on times spent in the final months of living with one of my best friends. At the end of the day an emptiness lingered. It was the eerie feeling of loneliness that always reminded that relationships are important, both with God and my girlfriend.
That was my mentality for awhile. This is the mentality of a true schmuck. Anyone that grew up with me can tell you that the one thing I believe in is restoring relationships. This was something that has never left, it just disappeared. It is because of this gift that God has given me, it has been helping in my process to becoming a better man. The bible says that "we must bear the 'burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others." I love the word considerate because it is so simple and has so much meaning. I took a year and a half from that concept. I became selfish, cynical, and irritable. WHAT AN IDIOT.
By losing the grip on this concept it has cost me more emotional pain beyond anything that I can explain. It caused me pain because I had a good long talk with God about over a year ago, and he provided. I was so excited that he actually provided, that I forgot to hold up my end of the relationship with him. And with that came consequences. You have to go above and beyond in all that you do. In order to be a man/husband/father, I can't go back to be the nomad I became. Life isn't about making yourself so busy that you feel like it might speed up the process. Don't make yourself occupied because it helps hide a problem, because that problem won't go away or get resolved. You will bring that problem with you where ever you go, causing you to make the same mistakes or run away. Because I can tell you from experience that even though it's an easy way to go about it. But it's not the right way to go about it. You are going to miss out on the relationships God has put in your life, and sometimes you will never get those back, but I believe all relationships are worth saving. Erwin McManus says, "Life is about growth. Growth demands change. Change requires humility."
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