Envisions of Silhouettes

Just about 2 months into my job and I feel like I finally have a good handle on what is expected of me. This is a good feeling on many levels. I can now start to express where I find more interest out of all the departments. I have expressed to one of my managers where it is I would like to go from here. I realize that I haven't been there as long as some of my co-workers, but that doesn't mean I can't work harder to pass them. I expressed that I want to do voice over for the commercials that air in between songs. I would like to help out more with the pop culture blogging and twitter accounts that they provide on their website as well. The last thing I asked was to be considered to be apart of the "first listen sessions" they have for new music. You would give your opinion on it, and also contribute to other new songs you have heard that you feel the station should play.

I finally feel apart of a team and that is something that has been missing in my life for a long time. It is part of the many things God has been teaching me these past months. It's all apart of the big picture that He has been trying to show me. I have been given a job that creates stability in my life. Stability is the source of what keeps sanity. Having said that, I have decided to put acting on the shelves until God gives me the green light again, if he does at all. I will still work on "How I Met Your Mother" when they call me, because that has been a big part of my life for 3 years. My reason for making this decision is simple. . . it's for my own health and well-being and for those I care about most. Let me explain:

When I gave up everything and became an actor full time, I invested ALL my time and ALL my energy to finding work and networking. With all my focus going in that direction it took all my patience and focus on what is important. So at the end of the day, my attitude was based on whether or not I was successful to get work for the following day. I didn't have any energy or patience left in me to give toward my friends or significant other. I was running on empty every night I went to bed. This is where negativity started to come into play. With negativity came irritability with my surroundings. Even the most beautiful of things looked dark to me. I was only my true self some of the time. When this was all going on, people around me where moving forward in their careers and relationships, while I was moving backwards.

As I have been working on myself on becoming a better man, and learning what it is to be someone who can provide/care for my future wife and children, it has become clear to stop that lifestyle all together. It is because of lifestyles like these people lose what is most important in their lives. And for me, I envisioned my wife walking out on me and taking my children with her. I envisioned this image because with that lifestyle comes excuses and empty promises you make over and over again. I have missed out on great fellowship and important days because I made the excuse of "well this might be my break, this might be my audition." Those are events I can't ever have back. If you apply this to later on in life, I would miss my son's 1st birthday or my anniversary with my wife. Once I envisioned this, I told myself that I will never become that man. It's a lesson that I am very grateful that I am being taught. Because if I were to watch the silhouette of my wife and children walk out on me it would be a pain I don't think I would be able to bear. And I was definitely on that path of destruction.

Luckily for me, God has shown me mercy. Even though it has been a hard road to fix habits and characteristics I have picked up, I have peace of mind that God has been building me back to the man he intended me to be. I want to be the best man I can be when it comes to all aspects in my life; at work, husband, father, loyal friend, boyfriend, son in law, brother in law, and brother. Never will I ever wonder "What if" because I know where my heart was while I perused that career. When my heart is in the right place for my career, I will be happy and know that is where I am suppose to be. My future and those who I love depend on it.

My mouth shall speak wisdom, and the meditation of my heart shall give understanding. PSALM 49:3

Character: The Heart of Man

Character - A description of a person's attributes, traits, or abilities. Character is a really strong word when you think about it. It defines who we are as a person and is what people judge us by. So don't you want your character to be one that is kind, thoughtful, strong, patient, and wise? Ofcoarse we do. I know many people who have all these attributes, but they don't necessarily let them show all the time, or at the right times for that matter. Why is it that sometimes we pick and choose to use some our better characteristics when we feel it's necessary? It's as if we have all our best characteristics in a tool belt. We only use them on certain people at certain times to manipulate a situation to go our way. Which ultimately fails because God is in control and you can't manipulate a situation that he already has planned out. It just sends you onto another path that will take you longer to get to the next check point. That means you didn't have faith that he will take care of you. It's human nature to show people what we want them to see. But that's not being honest.

This is something that I began to struggle with as I began my journey to figuring out what it took to be an actor. It's funny because you are wanting to have a career out of portraying a character. But if you don't have your own character grounded, then how are you suppose to make yourself believable on screen? It's a hard balance to figure out. One that not everyone is blessed with. Personally, I'm not even sure if I am blessed with that ability. If I am, then God will reveal it to me when the time is right. Because right now, He is working on my character through the troubles that I have created for myself over the past couple years. Rick Warren says, "When we have troubles, those troubles help us produce patience. And patience produces character." Patience is something that I lost along the way, and has lead me to fall. This is one of the main points that God has pointed out to me. If I want to be a man and be caring toward my fellow man and wife, patience must be learned. Patience is a huge part of one's character. Character development always involves a choice. If you don't make the choice to work on your character, then you won't grow. And that applies to every aspect of your life, job, relationship, friendship, and family.

Sometimes we are not aware of how our character affects those around us. When I had created a selfish lifestyle two years ago I let my character slip. My love for investing in my friendships and relationships hadn't been to my full potential. It was there enough for people to still know I was alive. But the guy who used to be a mentor to the youth and buy a meal from a friend who had a long day of waiting tables, had fallen. The positive part is, you can work on your character to help you grow. It's not something that can you can lose and never gain back. But, don't get me wrong, it came with a price for me to realize that I had to truly work on it. God saw what made me the happiest, my biggest distraction from him, and shook up my world. He knew what my heart desired, but knew the character of my heart needed some work in order to fully fulfill that desire. It's a slow process getting back to reminding yourself who you used to be. A great sister in Christ recently shared with me her story about how it feels to look back and see how she's grown. She taught me that although it takes a little time, we grow into our character, and people notice it.

But you can't work on anything without putting your faith in God to get you there. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." This is a great example because we have all tripped or fallen down a couple stairs. So we all know what it feels like to fall, and no one likes that feeling. Just like Indiana Jones in the last crusade, he had to take that step of faith off the cliff. If he didn't have faith he wouldn't have stepped apon the invisible bridge to get across to the other side. But faith is a whole other blog.

Audience of Two: Open Letter to the World pt. 3

It is yet an end to another week. To most people it's, "another day, another dollar." I hear this saying a lot and I myself have even said it. It became something I would tell myself at the end of the day. Looking back on it, it was just another way of saying, "I got through today, and tomorrow doesn't look much different." It's a way to get some people onto the weekend and closer to the the goal that they see in the future. But I think that sometimes as we get into the routine of saying it, we start to kid ourselves. For example, when I first started out as an actor and got it into my head that there was a lot of hustling around and spinning my wheels, and the best way to make me feel better was to tell myself that it was "another day, another dollar." It is because of this mentality that we sometimes miss out on life and the people we surround ourselves with. It's funny because we use this mechanism to help time go faster to when we think our lives will be where we want it. But we don't even know when technically that time is. I know for me, that time will be when I am married, have kids, a steady job, and friends to fellowship with. But how can we get to this point if all we do is cross off another day on the calendar and go to bed?

The obvious answer is to put your faith and trust in God that you will get there. But that means you got to talk with him AND listen. If the relationship part isn't there, how can you grow and enjoy life? You can, and people do, but, they feel emptiness. I have been there before. A couple years ago, I had created for myself a life that worked for "me." I had been dropped from a 3 year relationship, and the only way I was able to pick myself back up was to tell myself that I didn't need anyone but me. I did whatever I wanted; I was sleeping on couches of friends houses on the weekends and was just living a life of a nomad. I was also acting at the time, so all my focus went into finding work, and my hours of operation were so off the wall that I was barely home. This lifestyle worked for me because I had created a schedule so busy I didn't have time to worry or even care about the future. The mentality I had was, "it is, what it is, and things will just fall into place. I don't know when, but they will."

I had also created a confidence that I had never felt before. It was like I was an audience of one. Confidence is a great trait, and is attractive to people. But it's a trait that walks a fine line. I created this life because it kept me occupied and helped keep my mind off the fact that I didn't have a girlfriend to care for. It was because of this ignorance that I would soon find out that I missed out on times spent in the final months of living with one of my best friends. At the end of the day an emptiness lingered. It was the eerie feeling of loneliness that always reminded that relationships are important, both with God and my girlfriend.

That was my mentality for awhile. This is the mentality of a true schmuck. Anyone that grew up with me can tell you that the one thing I believe in is restoring relationships. This was something that has never left, it just disappeared. It is because of this gift that God has given me, it has been helping in my process to becoming a better man. The bible says that "we must bear the 'burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others." I love the word considerate because it is so simple and has so much meaning. I took a year and a half from that concept. I became selfish, cynical, and irritable. WHAT AN IDIOT.

By losing the grip on this concept it has cost me more emotional pain beyond anything that I can explain. It caused me pain because I had a good long talk with God about over a year ago, and he provided. I was so excited that he actually provided, that I forgot to hold up my end of the relationship with him. And with that came consequences. You have to go above and beyond in all that you do. In order to be a man/husband/father, I can't go back to be the nomad I became. Life isn't about making yourself so busy that you feel like it might speed up the process. Don't make yourself occupied because it helps hide a problem, because that problem won't go away or get resolved. You will bring that problem with you where ever you go, causing you to make the same mistakes or run away. Because I can tell you from experience that even though it's an easy way to go about it. But it's not the right way to go about it. You are going to miss out on the relationships God has put in your life, and sometimes you will never get those back, but I believe all relationships are worth saving. Erwin McManus says, "Life is about growth. Growth demands change. Change requires humility."

A Heavy Heart : Open Letter to the World pt. 2

Well, it's the start of my 4th week at the radio station, and things are starting to fall into place. I know what the job entails and what is expected of me. It has been an adjustment and a lot of trial and error. It feels good to have a job that I can set a goal and accomplish it. When I was acting full time, there was never any certainty of anything. All empty promises. Sure, there are good things that came from it, and I learned a lot. But I was missing the point the entire time. I was doing everything on my own. It didn't matter how much effort I was putting into finding the work, and going to work. At the end of the day, there wasn't anyone there that cared how much of an effort I made to get the job. There was no fellowship, there wasn't any positivity. I was in the mix of a sea of people who were all out for themselves.

For the past 4 years I slowly lost some of the best qualities God gave me. I put all my focus and energy into making sure I had work the following day, and when the day was done, I neglected any blessings God had put in my path. When I started to fully commit to acting, all my beliefs, friendships, and relationships had started to slowly fall to the waist side. And I made some of the same mistakes more than once. I wasn't being a man. Sadly, when God wants to wake you up, he doesn't just give you a smack on the back of the head. He pulls the rug right from under you and you fall hard. God intervened in my life recently that really made an impact on my life, and the repercussions have been too much to bear at times. I will admit that I am a broken man, it's mostly why I haven't written to much in the past month or so. I'm getting my mind right.

William Booth said, "The greatness of a man's power is in the measure of his surrender." That is what God wants us to do. He wants us to surrender to him so that we may live the life he has planned for us. Unfortunately, I surrendered myself to what I thought it took to be successful in the entertainment industry. I wasn't being a man of God, or even a man for that matter. I was a guy who thought he was focused and thought that all his hard days were behind him. Not the case.

In my heart I have always known that I wanted a christian home, a family, with 3 kids, and a job that can provide for them. By going after acting, I found that it was all about me in the present time, not looking to the future that I know God has for me. With the lifestyle I had fallen into, there is NO WAY I could be the man/husband/father that could take care of his children and wife. When I realized this concept, I broke down and cried (not one of my finer moments). I cried because I wasn't being the man God wanted me to become at this point in my life. It is too much for me to bear to go through such heartache again. To me, those are the most important things in life, family and fellowship, and how could I have those things with the mindset I had created over the past couple years. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen overnight or with a snap of fingers.

With this new job, it has helped me find myself again. I say this because it has given me stability back in my life. My hours of operation aren't 15 hour days. I can go and worship with people my age again on a weeknight. I can save money for the future again. Friends, Family, and relationships have always meant the world to me, and I want to show all of you again the person you feel in love with. For those of you who have met me in the last couple years, you met me on my way down. Please forgive me. I will not stay the man who worries about money (God will provide) worries about petty things (God will provide)gets irritated with his fellow man (ask God for patience). I'm finally becoming the man God meant for me to be.

"Surrender your whole being to him, to be used for righteous purposes." - Romans 6:13

New Venture: Radio

Well, as most of you know, I got the job working at Amp Radio here in Los Angeles. For those of you who don't live down here, this radio plays "today's hits," top 40 songs. As most of you know, I am a pop culture fanatic. So coming into the job, I already had a lot of knowledge as to what was going on in the music industry. The building is really cool. It is also part of the world famous KROQ radio station that plays rock music. The coolest part is to walk down halls lined with platinum plaques of almost every artist you can think of. So the environment is really comfortable for me. It reminds of my first day of walking onto a studio lot. Just knowing of all the history that had been made there. I got the same feeling as I walked through the same halls rock stars have before me.

My co-workers are really open and really cool. I am the only male in my department. So they said it was a nice change to have me around. Ha Ha Ha. It feels to have co-workers again. Doing background work you see some of the same people every once in awhile, but even sometimes they aren't the people I talk to. They are just a familiar face. I have fellowship once again, and have the sense of building friendships with these people. What is also cool about the job, is that all the other jobs I have had in the past have prepared me in different areas. Because of my background of working for Enterprise Rent a Car, I am able to drive around the big cars to the events. My sales job taught me skills of how to talk to people over the phone the right way. Doing background acting got me familiar with the greater L.A. area and it's odd hour schedule has made me fit in just fine.

Another surreal moment was knowing that I work under DJ Carson Daly. I watched TRL every weekday for the 10 years it was on. Back in high school I never thought that one day I would actually be working at the same radio station and maybe follow in his same steps that got him to where he is today. The job requires a lot of talking to people and giving input on how to make the station better and keep up with our rival station, KIIS Fm.

To answer some questions, I have not given up on acting all together. This job also allows me to keep my regular spot on "How I Met Your Mother" and to go to auditions and still work background. I just NEVER have to do it every day EVER again. It is now a job to keep me in the know, and to fill in the holes during the week; if there are days to fill that is. Radio is another aspect of entertainment that has great opportunity. Now, after 4 years of hustling, I have accomplished all I could do in that area. With a steady job, with an actual ladder to climb, and to be able to still audition is very ideal. I can now finally save money to start a family AND do what I love at the same time. Thank you to everyone that has prayed for me and kept me from not going losing my mind. . . completely. I can't wait to see where this new path takes me, and can't wait to see how God will help continue to help me grow.

In times like these, I look to the bible verse my mom gave me the day I was born;

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Spinning Wheels

So I never heard back from the radio station about the job. I did write a follow up letter to keep me fresh in their minds. I got an email back saying they got it. But nothing since. Normally this wouldn't have an effect on me, but a man can only take so much for so long. Due to the lack of work and auditions in the past 4 months, I feel like I am in career limbo. The question of, 'do i work a job I love and make little to no money, or work a job that is tolerable and be financially stable?"

This is a question that EVERYONE deals with. I've had people tell me that they admire that I am going for my dream and not settling for just any job. Just like any dream job, it's sometimes next to impossible to achieve. Mine consists of being in the right place at the right time, 80% of the time. After giving it my hardest for 4 years, I feel like I don't really have much to show for it. Most people when they spend 4 years at the same job they receive multiple raises and promotions. That is a sense of accomplishment and reward for your hard work. Now imagine if you hadn't received even just a pat on the back for all the hustling and hard work you've done for 4 years. . . That's pretty much how I feel. As humans, God made us to encourage each other and give a helping hand to our fallen brother/sister. When there is a void in that area of our lives, it's hard somethings to find motivation to continue with the path that has been taken.

God says, "Just ask me, and I will begin to share with you the dreams I have for you life and for all of humanity. You can talk to me about the small stuff, or you can listen to me, and I will let you in on what I am thinking. It's going to be big!" It's hard to read that and hope that it happens tomorrow. Everything takes time, this I am aware, but my rent and bills can't be paid in prayer vouchers. So that's why it's hard sometimes to put my trust in God when my accomplishments are so small. I understand that small accomplishments sometimes are the pieces to the big picture, but I am also human so I struggle with every day problems. Plus, nothings easy when family lives so far away. Family is the best foundation we have, and when you only get that "home" feeling once, twice a year it can wear down on you after awhile. I have been blessed with the Watkins' and Geller families down here, they have provided me with fellowship and that good ol' family feeling. And that helps ten fold.

If you are at work day dreaming about a path that you should have taken, just remember that you didn't make a mistake by not doing it. Right now you are making a steady paycheck and working towards accomplishing that goal later in life. Make sure if you know someone you admire, tell them. Odds are they are really struggling and could really use some words of encouragement. They are going against the grain every day to make it a reality so they don't have to settle for just anything. Sadly enough it's easy to lose yourself in the process, because it's hard and negativity surrounds them. I've lost myself before and have come back. Although, it's harder each time than the last to bounce back. If you are reading this, then that means you support me, and I thank you.

Erwin McManus says, "Your circumstances do not determine your opportunities. Or if they do, it may well be quite the opposite than you expect. The more challenging your circumstances, the greater your opportunity to see God raise you to new levels of living."

Burn Notice

Well, it's been a minute since I have written anything. A lot of it has been because I wasn't working that often and didn't really have much to write about that would be very interesting. I also took the time to get my mind again. I had to teach myself to not let my environment get the best of me again. That just doesn't happen over night. The last couple months I have been spending some much needed quality time with the Lord. My girlfriend has also been my biggest supporter and is someone who I look up to when it comes to staying focused and being positive.

During this time of pulling myself back together, I had one of those moments where you wake up one day and decide that you will not do what you're doing anymore. In my case, i got tired of calling my phone number every 10 mins for 10 hours of my day for work. I had reached the end of my rope of getting rejected and being on hold for hours in day. I was burned out. 4 years of doing this took it's toll. So I decided to get a call in service for me. I did my research and found one that was best for me and of whom I heard the most positive about. So for $65 a month, I pay them to do all the work for me. It has taken a lot of the weight off my shoulders. Although, what I have to find out, is that they don't find you work for every day out of the week,and you STILL have to do most of the work. I knew that this came with the territory, but it is one of those things where you got to do it for yourself so you can experience it.

I still feel like I'm staring at a wall in the way of my goal, and I got to figure out a way to get over it. So, this has come with a lot of time thinking about my next move and options. I have a lot of options, but one thing that is most important is to think about is my future. I want to get married, I want to have a family, and I want to be able to provide. I can't have those things by doing what I have been doing for the past 4 years. I have accomplished all that there is to accomplish doing background acting (become SAG eligible and network). I have thought about going back to some of my sales jobs and marketing. But that would mean I would never back into the industry, because you can't spend too much time away. So I have spent a lot of time applying to assistant, production, and internship jobs. Tomorrow I have an interview at Amp Radio. Amp Radio is a station in Los Angeles that plays popular pop music. Which is up my alley because that is hobby of mine. To get a part time job there would help me start from the bottom and work my way up. It would also provide with a steady paycheck and stability for my life that is always so random.

I will always work in entertainment. The trick is to find a steady job you know that can provide and have a way to move up the chain. After doing background work for so long you really start to notice that it's a bottomless hole. You get free food, some down time, and every once and awhile you meet a celebrity. If you like that lifestyle, then that's cool. But I would rather by that celebrity that meets you. So in order to do that, you got to jump back out of comfort, find a way over the wall and keep going. I might not ever become famous, but as long I can provide for my family and still go to a job I love, then I call that happiness. But you can't do it by waiting for it to fall in your lap. You also got to put all your faith in God and trust that he will provide. God knows the future, so we are safe in His hands.

"If there was something that I committed myself to, I don't think there is anything that could stop me." - Will Smith

Growing Pains

In the movie 'The Dark Knight' Harvey Dent says "the night is always darkest before the dawn." This is how this part of the year usually feels for me. The month of July has been so short on work that it's hard not to be negative and question myself. The problem that I've had in the past is, that even when I was busy, I was still negative. This has been going on for years. It wasn't until recently that an amazing friend had really brought it to my attention. I knew I had my moments, but I was worse than I ever thought I could be. It has been because of this that I have ruined relationships and even lost respect from the people that mean the most to me. If i had kept up this pattern, I would lose friendships and family support. For those who have loved and lost, you know that the pain sometimes is too much take. And for what? To be in a Pizza Hut commercial? That's not worth it to me. So for the past 6 weeks I took some time aside in my day to contemplate how to turn this around. Which required a lot of personal time with the Big Guy upstairs.

One of the things that I realized, was how much the people on set really affected me. When you break down a day on set, you will find that there is very little positivity. I am part of a crowd that is all struggling, all have personal problems, and deal with rejection on a daily basis. You might say that no matter who you are, you deal with these struggles. I will agree with that. But let me put it this way;
In between scenes, all of us background go to a holding room/tent/parking lot and spend time together. So imagine yourself surrounded by 100 people who are complaining about the food, the weather, SAG Vouchers, how hard they work, how much they don't work, they're divorced, and so on and so on. There is nothing more draining than to listen to that all day, while at the same time, I am trying to focus on finding work for the next day, and I have been rejected 4 times before noon. You got to imagine, that when my 14 hour day is done, I am running on empty, emotionally. Physically, my body is at 100%, but emotionally a person can only take so much a day. This is something I have been doing day in, and day out for 4 years. Over those years, the industry has chipped away at some of my greater qualities that gave me an awesome start in the beginning. It's only been by the grace of God and support from friends and family that I have haven't gone completely insane.

I'm not saying that I blame my job or the work environment on my downfall. Those were simply the tiny push in the wrong direction and I was the one who let it get the best of me. You can never blame one thing, or one person for your misfortunes. All they are is be the first domino in the effect that leads to everything falling down. That's what I did, I let a few events get the best of me and I didn't rely on God for his help. Or trust him when I needed to the most. If I had caught that years ago, things would have happened a lot differently. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I now realize it and can move forward.

The best conclusion that I came to, was to go back to the time, before I was affected by the environment I had become apart of. Before I became my own worst enemy. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. This all goes with what I wrote in the blog 'Shadow of the Day,' I have realized my mistakes and know what I need to do to turn this all around. And it all starts with swallowing my pride and going back to square one. God has given me some amazing friends in my life, and has put them in my life for a reason. And to drive them away with my attitude and negativity would be the biggest mistake I could EVER make. That would be a pain I couldn't bare. If I stay where I am, I won't move upward. I will stay in the same place and slowly slide back down. I will keep driving people away, and miss out on what God's bigger plan is. God says "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."

So for those of you who have stuck it out with me for all these years, I can't thank you enough. I never thought that chasing after my dream would cause me to lose myself in the process. "The question isn't 'what should I be doing?' but 'who am I becoming?' Self awareness is one of the most critical characteristics of personal effectiveness and productivity. There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain...This is why you cannot grow without a humble, teachable attitude." -Rick Warren

Airplanes

This is a video I made to show the two different sides that I struggle with while trying accomplishing being an actor. One side is the guy who sits and watches the world pass by him. He waits for that one phone call that will fix all his problems. The other side is a guy who stays focused and works hard. He sends out head shots, goes to auditions, and works on his craft. The best therapy for me is to express what I am feeling and put it in the form of a video. It helps me stay in the creative mind space. So hope you all enjoy, and please let me know what you think. It looks better if you watch it smaller than making it "fit to screen." But for those of you with "special eyes" make it bigger.

Raging Bull

Last week I started my commercial acting class level 3 with casting director Chris Game. I took level 1 last summer and level 2 in the fall. So I was happy to go to the next level and learn more of what I can do better and clean up a few loose ends. Chris has gotten me a table read for a film, an brought me in for two separate film auditions. So taking his class again shows him that I show commitment and take his word serious. I come to find out last night that he cast Jason Segel in a small film 10 years ago. I had mentioned to him that I am a regular on 'How I Met Your Mother' and have met him on a couple different occasions. So that sparked up a conversation, and when the show comes back in a couple weeks, when I get an opportunity, mention to Jason about Chris and see if can make some networking come together.

Last Friday Chris had asked me to come in and audition for a short film. It was for a part that was a white trash type of character. It was down in Santa Monica, which isn't a bad drive, but what I thought was going to be a quick process, turned into me sitting around for over an hour and a half. Which put me on the 405 HWY at 4pm on a FRIDAY. But at least I got an audition and kept my mind fresh.

The other day, as I was writing my other blog, I had gotten a call from my agency for a callback for the show 'Californication.' Which was a HUGE blessing, because not only did it provide me with work, but I didn't have to spend my day on the phone looking for work. Plus I had a few friends working on it that day too which helped. Although, I did have a run in with my favorite guy, who I like to refer as 'the dude.' The dude, is this guy I see more than I would like. He always asking me about how to get SAG vouchers and wonders why his agent isn't doing it for him. After an hour of this, I had to tell the guy what time it was. I told him that he needed to accept the fact that it's a process and can't put all his faith in an agent who is just looking for quantity and not quality for his clients. I didn't mean to come off as a dick, but I hear these conversations everyday, and people are looking for instant gratification when it comes to this job.

The reason people expect instant gratification is because there are stories, very few, of actors who go to one audition, get the part, and start working right off the bat. When they come in with that mind set, and get rejected a couple times, their confidence is shot to hell. Which is great for me, because it cleans out the riff raft. But on the flip side when those people go away, and whole new batch fills in their spots. That's the part that is mentally draining is hearing the negativity. But that's what an iPod is for right?

"The talent is in the choices." - Robert de Niro

Shadow of the Day

It's been a little while since I have written anything, and that is due in part to the lack of work I have over the last 2 weeks. Mid June til the first of August is DEAD for work. Which sounds awesome because it's the summer time and I have some free time to enjoy it. The fact of the matter is, I'm almost 27 years old and have bills to pay and a future to plan. I deal with anxiety attacks and having down time sometimes triggers it. Anxiety never really helps with my OCD either. So the last couple weeks have been a little rough for me. Not only does doing background work provide for me financially, but it also provides me with social interaction and fellowship. One of the things that God has tried to make to clear to us is that we must but aside time for fellowship. Erwin McManus says; "The real measure of our lives will not be all the things we obtain or all the goals we achieve or all the successes we acquire. Real success will be the relationships we have built, the lives we have touched, the people we have loved and who have loved us and invested in us."

And as most of you know, I am a socialite and not having fellowship allows my mind to wonder and get me thinking of things that either aren't actually true or even happening. So hiatus is a very tough time for me. Luckily I have been blessed with some little trips with friends and dinners to keep me from really going crazy.

So I have been doing a lot thinking lately about what the next step I will take. I've been doing background for 4 years and have had some great stories and memories, but I feel little or no sense of accomplishment. For 4 years, every weekday, I have called the same phone # every 10 minutes for 8 hours looking for work for the previous day. When I did the math it came out to this: 144 minutes a day. 37,440 minutes a year. 149,760 minutes over the coarse of 4 years. I average 3 minutes on the phone each time I call every 10 minutes. 149,760 MINUTES?! Are you kidding me? That's not including the amount of time I am on hold when I find a job that fits me, not knowing if I will get the job and have to go back to calling. But like I've said, there are call-in services that you can pay to do it for you, but you STILL have do call yourself because they don't guarantee they will get you the work.

So what do I do? Personally I feel like God is telling me that my run of doing background work FULL TIME has reached it's end. What I mean by this is; I have 4 years of connections I have made with people in the industry. I have 4 years of knowledge of how it works and what is expected. So now it's time to apply that knowledge and contacts. I still do background work, but just less of it. I am confident in my social skills and creativity that I can stop using background as a crutch. I once read that through Christ we have the freedom to let go. So I am putting my trust in God more now than I have in the past with my career. "Once we can release our grip on any attitude that keeps us from following Christ, we find true freedom in letting go." David McCasland.

How the West was Won

Another week down, and another week closer to reaching my goal. I didn't have any auditions, call backs, or meet anyone cool. But I did have a full week of work and I am still alive to see another day to get an audition, get a call back, and meet the right people. It has been one of those weeks where when it rains it pours. Every day that I worked went late into the night and started at an odd time of the day to where you gotta sit in a lot of traffic or you can't get any errands done because you get done so late at night.

I worked on the show HOUSE the other day and they were on location in Redondo Beach. Which is about 30 miles from my home, so a 60 mile round trip. This was inconvenient in more ways than one. First of all when I booked myself they didn't tell me it was in Redondo. If I had known, I would have done another show. Second of all my call time was 11 am. Which doesn't sound too bad, but you gotta think: 30 miles = 45 mins of travel in no traffic. 30 miles to arrive at 11am = leave at 9:30 or earlier. I was happy to get work, so I took it. Except on this day I made a rookie mistake. I didn't pay too much attention to the street signs and overshot an important street by 3 MIILES!!! What a DOPE! And I didn't fill up my gas tank the day before when I knew I should have. So once I realized I went too far, I was running late and had to stop to get gas. It was the first time I was late in 4 years.

This job provides with enough stress that the last you need is a call from the agency asking you why you're late to a 11am call time. Although, my day did provide me with entertainment. As I was sitting in my chair reading my book, there was a cute girl sitting across from me and this guy had come over to make conversation. I thought to myself, "alright, this should be good." He started out pretty good, but then he started to slip. She was reading 'Anything' by Ernest Hemingway and he thought he should pull the "Twilight" card and say the phrase "i'm team Jacob." Which was AWESOME. Because I know his thought process went like this: She's reading a book, which means she's read Twilight, and that's popular, chicks like Twilight, I should say something witty/funny, then BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE. She didn't even give him a sympathy laugh, just a polite way to letting him know she was enjoying her book and would like to be left alone. BURN! He left with his tail in between his legs. She shook her head and I said "Team Jacob huh? Team Edward is way cooler." We had a good laugh and went back to reading.

"Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." - John Wayne

Lean on Me

Last Friday was my last day on the set of the feature film. It was a fun day for the most part until I found out that my other lines were cut and learned that I might not be getting paid. So I asked a producer to fill out my tax forms because I hadn't done so yet and I didn't want to mail it to them since I was on set with them. I was told that because they spent a lot of their money on a better camera, film, and better location that a lot of the actors would not get paid. I had them repeat it so I knew I wasn't hearing things. They went on to tell me actors that will be paid depending on how many days they were on set. Since some of my scenes were cut and some of my lines were given away, my week of work went down to 2 days. Talk about literally "acting for food."

So, I have an email to write to another producer. I'm not really so mad, as I am disappointed. I would have done the production regardless, but I was told I would be getting paid. In doing so, I turned down other paid jobs to do it. The upside to all this is, I do get a credit for my resume and met some people that could use me in their next production. It wasn't a waste of time, just kinda planned on paying my rent this month. Like I've said time and time again, it's part of the game, and this is just how this industry goes. It's over now, I filmed my scenes, got a credit, met good people, had a full stomach at the end of the day. Time to move on and stay on top of getting work and moving forward.

I worked on the show 'Entourage' yesterday. I try to dodge working this show for a couple reasons. The wardrobe people are really anal about the look of the show. So it takes you about an hour to get that all settled. Next you are surrounded by probably the most uptight women you will cross. Although they are beautiful, don't let this fool you. They are under the impression that if they bang one of the cast members it will be smooth sailing from here on out. Not the case, but they are right about one thing. If they are attracted enough, then yes, you will be noticed and be shown the back room. But I highly doubt they will be doing any of the work. To top it all off, you will be flagged and will not be able to work that show again. Why? Because you're used goods. So pick up your dignity ladies and stick with the game, or you can go back to answering phones at Macaroni Grill.

"Acting means living, it's all I do and all I'm good at. If I weren't getting paid well, I would still be acting in a small troupe somewhere. As you grow in this business, you learn how to do more with less." - Morgan Freeman

The Iceman Cometh

Yesterday was my first day as an actual paid actor on set. The night before I was sent my call sheet for the next day. A call sheet has all the information to what will be going on that day. It has the names of the actors that will be on set, what time they will arrive and which scenes will be shot for the day. It also tells Other misc. info would include lunch time, how many background extras and the crew call. There was a sense of accomplishment when I saw my name on the call sheet, rather than a random number that is apart of group of background. Everyone was really cool. I didn't take me long to figure out that everyone, including the crew, had worked on other projects. So I was the odd man out for the most part. But on the other hand, I told myself that I was chosen from many others to join this cast. They must have seen something in me that made them think that I would be great to work with.

So I started my day going through hair and make up and running through the scenes with the other actors in my scene before we went and camera blocked the scene. The other actors had been apart of commercials and other projects, so it was humbling to be around talent that was my age to learn from. It was refreshing to have the director talk directly to me and tell me what she wanted. On the flip side, it was also nice to ask questions and receive good feedback. The scenes we shot were of me and two other bully's picking on this nerd. A lot of my lines were stepped on, or given to another actor, which was a total bummer, but I didn't let that ruin the experience I was enjoying. But I think what made me the most happy was the fact people knew me by name and not as "hey you" or "who did that cross by the table?"

This experience couldn't have come at a better time. With a lot of the shows on hiatus I have downtime that makes me second guess what I'm doing. Not to mention that the last couple days I have worked background the people have really done me in.

I had a guy follow me around the other day on set that got on my nerves. I'm all for meeting new people and all, but this guy made me want to do a swan dive off Mt. Rushmore. I made the mistake of saying hello. From there all I heard about was how he loves to skate and to act. But he doesn't want to be a pro skater or just an actor. He wants to be skating on camera with a little acting thrown in. . . WHAT?!? He kept telling me how his agent hasn't done much for him. Over and OVER. Which made me believe had a little something going for him. UNTIL, he started to complain how it was "so hard to get SAG Vouchers and THAT'S ALL he wanted to do. Was get SAG Vouchers. Right there, he basically blew his cover and something he could have worked off of to get a little further. But he basically straight up told me really didn't have anything going for him. He was just another person that is limiting themselves, in his case, to skateboarding/acting and NOTHING ELSE.

The greatest thing you must realize is to be open to anything and everything. Still have some boundaries. I'm not saying you gotta do porn or eat a cow's intestine to be recognized. Just don't limit yourself right out of the gate.

"As an actor and as a person you come together with being in familiar territory although that has not been my whole life. That's been a part of it. I think a lot of people associate me with the west because of Sundance." - Robert Redford

Courage Under Fire

Well, last week was pretty successful overall. Even though I only worked for one day, that day lasted over 12 hours provided me with overtime pay that really helps in the long run. On Monday night I had a table read with the entire cast, producers, and director for the feature film I start this week. For those who don't know, a table read is pretty much what it sounds. Everyone sits around a table and reads through the entire script to see how it sounds and what changes could be made. So that was nice to see who I would be working with and working for. The only bummer was that the finalized script had cut out a lot of my dialog, which means, A: I have a few less days of work on it and B: less camera time. The bright side is I made this far and know that I am making progress.

On Wednesday I had an audition for the part of an assassin in a feature film. It's not a big part, but vital to the story. I'm not going to lie, this was a live and learn audition. I definitely could have done a lot better. Not only did I forget a couple lines, but I had something break my concentration before going in. I let another person in the waiting room take my focus off what I came there to do. Which was get a job. The place where the auditions where being held was in a house turned studio. So from the outside it looked like it was someone's home. So I am sitting in the waiting room, and I hear the doorbell ring. Which I'm pretty sure screwed up the guy that was auditioning at the time. I ignored it and figured the guy would realize to turn the doorknob and come inside. Next thing I know he's banging and knocking on the door. Out of respect for the guy auditioning at that moment, I got up and answered the door.

The guy outside say's "Sup'" to me and moves right passed me to the waiting room. I just took it as a douche bag move and sat back in my chair. Then the guy starts talking to me about some babe he saw outside. Which normally I'm not going to hate on the description of a beautiful woman, but this is not the time or place. When I got to auditions, I don't talk to anyone in the room. They are my competition, so why would I want to be their friend? I'm there to get a job, I don't care if you got drunk last night or stubbed your toe on the way in. So it was my fault to let that get the best of me. Lesson learned.

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." - Harrison Ford

Duet For One

I worked 3 out of 5 days this week. Considering this is the hiatus time of year, that is a pretty successful week. In all reality, working at least one day is successful this time of year. There have been many blessings that God has provided me with this week. On instance in particular happened at midnight on Wednesday. I got a call from the director of the web series I worked on a month ago. He called to ask me if I wanted to shoot a fake commercial spot for their show the following morning. They shoot everything in Pasadena, and I happened to be working on the show "Make it or Break it" in Pasadena the same day at 11:30am. So I agreed, and drove out there early in the morning, shot the commercial, then went to work til 12am that day. Even though it was a long day, it all worked out to kill two birds with one stone.

I probably wouldn't have gotten that call if I hadn't run into one of the producers of the web series on the set of 'Parks and Recreation' the following week. She was doing background work that particular day and I explained to her the path I have taken and hung out for the day. I'm starting to find that Hollywood is becoming a small world. Which is a good thing and feels right. After 4 years of this rat race, I feel like it's not been a complete waste, and still ask God for patience.

I worked with some real characters this week. For instance, I did a couple scenes this week. When going to wardrobe check, my FAVORITE type of folks were in attendance. I'm talking about the guys/girls who dress 'Hollywood' on any given day, come to set, are asked to change into something different by wardrobe, but don't change due to the fact that feel they already 'fit the part.' There are several reasons these people crack me up, but I will focus on the core part. You can't come to set dressed like that simply because: 1. you aren't there to impress anyone. you are there for a job. 2. you are there to look the way the production wants you to look. 3. If you want to be noticed, wouldn't you want to look like yourself and not EVERYONE ELSE in this town. I'll admit, I few pieces of trendy clothing, but when it comes to my job, and meeting with people in the industry, I don't look like I just popped out of an Ed Hardy billboard.

"In Los Angeles, it's like they jog for two hours a day and then they think they're morally right. That's when you want to choke people, you know?" - Liam Neeson

Tomorrow Never Dies

Today I worked on the show "Parks & Recreation." It was on-location in Hollywood at some popular club. The day went by fast, good people made for good times, that didn't mean I didn't have my usual encounters of what I call "Lifestyles of the bizarre and dramatic." Because it was a club scene, I was paired up with girl who seemed pretty normal. So she asked me how long I have been doing background work. I told her it had been doing it for 4 years and it has been a great way to be in the business, meet the right people, and go to auditions in between. She went on to tell me that she takes acting very serious. So I asked her what she meant by that. Her reply was, "I go on auditions and do a lot of reading." So I told her "Wow, that is serious." I couldn't tell if she thought I was a dick for saying that, or if she didn't know how to keep carrying on the conversation.

The whole interaction cracked me up for a few reasons. It's always nice seeing other people take acting/entertainment serious. But it's another thing when they act as if doing background work is a joke and think they should be working as a waitress and ONLY going to auditions. I will admit, background work can be viewed as a joke. The way I see it is, where else can you get the opportunity to be on a movie set and learn so much? You get paid to watch famous actors "act" in front of your eyes and watch how they get prepared, and how they deliver their lines. With that comes watching the director give direction.

Probably one of my favorite memories to date would be the time I got to be on set for the film "INCEPTION" last Fall. I got to watch director Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight) give notes to Leonardo DiCaprio. That is cool all across the board. When people were told to go back to the holding area for a break, I stayed back and watched the two titans talk about the scene. So while people are so focused on which head shot makes them look "attractive" or how do they get a SAG voucher, I'm taking advantage of something you can't learn in an acting class, read in a book, or on a DVD.

I chose to make background work my only source of income (besides voice over work) because all my focus is on finding the work, getting the work, and going to work. If I had another side job, acting wouldn't have my full attention. I am also always in the know as to what is going on, on different sets, and what new projects are in development. Slow and steady wins the race.

"I started with the firm conviction that when I came to the end, I wanted to be regretting the things that I had done, not the things I hadn't." - Michael Caine

Rounders

It's official, the slow season has started. A lot of the pilots that are due out in the fall have wrapped production on their first and second episodes. I feel very fortunate that I have been able to still find enough work to stay a float. There seems to be more feature films filming this year than last. Which makes me feel like we might be back on track from the writers strike.

I have received the script to the film that I landed a role in. My first day of shooting is on June 14th. Not too sure as to where they are filming or when the movie will be out. Or whether or not it's a straight to DVD/Blu-ray or if it will be screened at film festivals and shopped around to get a wide release.

Even the work has been slow, still hasn't kept the shenanigans from happening. I worked on the new Aston Kutcher / Natalie Portman movie last week and was paired up with a few interesting people. I was booked as one of four hacky sack guys in the park. A gay Latino, an Armenian, myself, and the whitest white boy in L.A. were the 4 dudes picked to play hacky sack on set. I felt like we were the little rascal rejects.

I have started to get auditions for my voice for voice over work. I have signed up for a website called Voice123 and they look at my profile and my demo, and send me a script to read and tell me how they want it to be read. I then record it, email it back, and wait to hear for another audition or if I actually got the job. Those jobs can range from $10 to $1,500. I haven't gotten a job yet, but I am not surprised. It's going to take some more practice and time to earn my keep.

"Life, like poker, has an element of risk. It shouldn't be avoided. It should be faced." - Edward Norton

Untitled

I've been a little busy lately, so i apologize to those who read this as a way to kill some time at work, take a break in-between your kids, or just not listening to your professor in class. Cool things that have been accomplished include, an audition for a Music Video, a recording session for my official Voice Over Demo, and another audition for a feature film titled 'Delivery' that takes place later this afternoon. The audition for the Music Video was somewhat easy. They wanted me to present a comedy monologue. So I went with Vince Vaughn from 'Wedding Crashers' where he gives his speech about dating and the infamous line 'just the tip' is delivered. Sounds a little inappropriate, but I got some laughs.

The voice over demo was done at a studio inside of actor David Lawrence's home. David is well known for his role as 'Puppet Master' from the show HEROES. The last time we interacted was when he came to my apartment to set me up with my own equipment so I can record auditions myself, rather than pay an arm and a leg to use a studio EVERYTIME I get an audition. The process was a success! I am very pleased with what we came up with. Plus, the process helped with my ability to take direction. In the voice over world taking direction is a little different than it is when you are using your body.

The audition I have this afternoon is for a feature film called 'Delivery.' The role I am reading for is for a man in his 20's who gets his girlfriend pregnant, so they sign up for a reality TV show to follow their pregnancy. It's going to be a different kind of audition. They don't want me to come prepared with a monologue. They won't give me anything to read when I arrive. It will be strictly improv, on the spot type of deal. In other words, I'm coming in hot. I'm confident that I have the quick wit and ability to knock this out of the park. I'm really hoping that if I do get paired up with someone, that they also feel the same way, and are quick on their feet.

The one thing that I don't think people understand about auditions is process of it all. If it happens to land on a weekday, I've got to take the day off from making money to go. With that comes sitting in traffic to get there, the process might take about 7 mins or less, then hop back in the car to sit in the same traffic to get back home. All for a job that I MIGHT get. And if you get the job, you are working on the project on a range of 1 day, or 3 weeks. Then that job is done, so now you gotta do it all over again. The upside to it all is, Everytime you get work on film, that is your audition for other jobs. Directors and Casting Directors see it and know what you're capable of. From that you get offered parts instead of auditioning. Or, when you audition, you have a leg up on the competition.

The actor Chris Evans who just scored the role of 'Captain America' didn't even audition for the role. His work as 'The Human Torch' from the 'Fantastic 4' movies was his proof that he can take on the role as a super hero and is able to take on the responsibility of Captain America. That's just an example, personally, I feel other actors could have fit the part a little better. Anyways, it's part of what makes the whole industry fascinating to me. You work hard enough, earn your keep, and the rest will fall into place. With a little help from the big guy upstairs of coarse. He kinda has the last say in what we do at the end of the day.

You Only Live Twice

I can't believe it's almost May. Towards this time of year, all the regular season shows go on hiatus, which leaves us with all the brand new shows that have gotten the green light. This is the most productive pilot season I have seen in awhile. I say this because of the famous SAG STRIKE of 2008. 100 days of next to no work for EVERYONE in the entertainment business. It was AWESOME. The only thing that really kept me somewhat afloat where commercials and doing audience work for 'Deal or No Deal.' That's right, the audience are people like me! HA HA HA. I will never EVER do that work again. It just gives me nightmares thinking about that. So we won't go into it. ANYWAYS, because of the strike, there wasn't a pilot season that year, and set motion to another off year for the 2008-2009 season. Basically this is a good place we are in.

Today was an interesting day to say the least. It's an untitled sitcom. The cool part for me today was that it was the same crew members that work 'How I Met Your Mother.' So that made it for a fun environment to work in. Especially because it was a 13 hour day. With new shows, come very small budgets. So that means they skip on the food for people like myself. This isn't true for all shows, but for the most part it is. I had a bagel and banana to start the day and 2 chilli dogs for lunch and just hungered it out til I finished tonight at 9pm. You have the option to go buy lunch on the studio lot, but us background don't really feel like spending $10 on a meal when you make around $55 minimum in a day. So you just kinda learn to wait it out on days like today. I just tell myself Peanut Butter & Jelly today... ...Steak and Lobster tomorrow.

The web series I worked on over the weekend was a fun experience. Everyone working on it is my age and it was a fun atmosphere. Felt good to be apart of something like that again. I go back to work on that next weekend. I also sign and mailed my contract for the feature film I will be filming for 2 weeks starting June 14th. It's funny how extreme this line of work can be. Where I have days like today where you go on very little food for such a long day, and another day I am in a featured role on in film. All you got to do is get in the mind set of taking it day by day; doing what you got to get done and look forward to what will happen when you work hard. It's a little easier when you put it in God's hands as well.

"There is nothing like a challenge to bring out the best in man." - Sean Connery

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Another week down. A busy one at that. After working on the pilot 'NEXT' on Monday, I went on to work the show 'Lie to Me' the following day. That took place at L.A.'s Union Station. ALWAYS an entertaining day when you work in a train station, downtown, or Subway area. The public always want to watch and get in the way of what we are trying to accomplish. I personally don't mind it, but it does get a little old when the 8th clueless fool walks through the shot brushing shoulders of the star of the show. There was this one woman, who recognized me from something we worked 3 years ago. WHAT?!?! I told her it's hard to keep track of who I meet and where, and she took offense. Sometimes I feel like Woody Woodpecker will come out of nowhere and carve 'That's All Folks' in a tree at the end of days like that.

My favorite example; I was working on Iron Man 2, and we were at some Museum shooting an exterior scene. A slick looking Bentley rolls up, Robert Downey Jr. gets out and starts walking through the crowd of people that were just there to visit, and makes his way to us on set. I'm under the shade of a tree getting water watching all this. I just shook my head, because these people didn't even realize that one of the biggest actors on the planet right now was just weaving in and out of them trying to get to his destination.

Yesterday I was working down on the Venice beach boardwalk for NCIS: Los Angeles, and it was the same situation. The regular folks were cool, it was the crazy store owners that were causing a bunch of ruckus. One VERY INTERESTING woman, who runs a "dress" shop was throwing her hands around screaming that we were taking away business from her. Lady, if anything, we were bringing you business to your wack-ass store. Venice is full of the most original people you will meet in your lifetime. From the colorful homeless to the folks who think YOU owe them something.

Tomorrow I start production on the Web Series 'Dead Grandma' that I have a small part in. So that should be interesting to see this all goes.

"With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it's just not acting. It's lying." Johnny Depp

ROCKY

Well, the time has finally arrived. I landed the role in the SAG low budget Feature '3 Times a Charm.' The one I have been going to auditions for over the past 7 weeks. It will film here in L.A. sometime in the month of June. The movie has got the same idea as the feature 'Groundhogs Day' staring Bill Murry. It just centers around a High School kid. I play a Football Player/Bully of the main characterer. I can't wait to see how it all works out and be apart of the process. So if that coming up, I also start work on the web series i got a small role for this upcoming weekend. I've got a good little momentum going on right now. It feels good to have projects to look forward to that are not background acting related. But you can't forget your roots. Doing background has given me so many opportunities, and will continue to do that. I'd like to thank everyone who has supported me thus far and for all the prayers.

Today I worked on the pilot called "NEXT." It stars Paul Reiser from 'Mad About You' from back in the day. He plays himself in this project. And it follows how he is trying to get his career back off the ground. I guess it's a sitcom? We'll see. It wasn't so bad of a day. We shot in Beverly Hills at a restaurant. Nothing too out of the normal. But tomorrow I work the show 'Lie to Me' at Union Station in Downtown L.A. I'm almost positive that it'll be a circus and stories to follow.

American Graffiti

My callback audition for the feature '3 Times a Charm' last Saturday went very well. They recognized me when they saw me in the waiting room. So that was a good thing. I felt like I got positive feedback. So now we wait again on whether or not I get another callback or even landed the role. I wore the same clothes I wore the first time I auditioned; because I have learned that if you get a callback, then you did something right the first time, including your look. Plus it helps them remember you, because that is what they saw you wear the last time. We can all relate to that. How many times have you said to your friend, "didn't that person wear that same shirt last time we saw him?" I can't really talk considering I buy a new shirt once in a blue moon.

It was a pretty busy week work wise. Monday started me off on a weird foot though. I had a night call. Which means I went to work at 3 in the afternoon, and came home the following day at 7am. With those comes a good paycheck, but its hard to book yourself on another job the following day, because the call time could be 6am and they would overlap, and you wouldn't be able to make it. Sometimes it can be pulled off. I've done it before, but you are like the walking dead come Thursday. I worked on the show 'The Mentalist' as well this week. Cool thing about that was, we shot it at this Hotel where I filmed an episode of 'HEROES' 4 years ago. So that was kind of surreal.

Yesterday I worked a Japanese Commercial. I was a basketball player, so i was outside playing basketball for the first 6 hours of the day. So I got some sun and a good workout. Plus my friend Griff was there. I run into him from time to time on set. The second half of the day felt like a Verizon Commercial. They basically put all of you in a group and have you walk 20 feet, then stop, and go back to where you started (of what is called 'back to one') and you do that OVER AND OVER til they get their shot. Then they change the camera angle and do again. It makes you want to kill yourself, but we're all so poor that we can't afford the bullets.

The shoot was filled with great comedy relief though. The craft service lady reminded me of the slug monster from the movie 'Monsters Inc.' With the voice to boot. It cracked me up. There was also a dude with a barbed wire tattoo on his bicep. I thought that, that was a big enough joke that people stopped getting those. Another guy had a tattoo of a pair of red lips on his bicep. A+ to you my friend, you won the award for tool of the week.

“Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.” - Elvis Presley

A Hard Days Night

IT has been a really productive week on the work side of things as well as getting my name out there. I received an email about being apart of a "table reading" for the feature film. I am getting the loose ends tied up as we speak to get the final word if I got the job. I wouldn't get a part in the feature; However, it's a great way to make more connections and sharpen my craft. I also received a callback for the feature film "3 Times a Charm." I auditioned for that 3 weeks ago, and now I get to audition again tomorrow, Saturday, to show them what I got. It feels good to finally be getting somewhere other than a featured spot in the background.

I worked on the new pilot "The Cape" on Monday. It's a pretty cool concept. It's a different spin on super heroes. So that will be out in the fall. On Wednesday I worked on 'How I Met Your Mother' for the last time this season. They are going on hiatus til August. This season went by fast. The downside to that is, that is the show where I get a steady paycheck. Even if it's only once a week, some people don't even get one job a week, let alone a regular spot on a show.


Last night I worked late into the night on the show 'FLASH FORWARD.' It's my favorite new show right now, so I love it when I get the opportunity to work on it. Plus getting a hello from Gabrielle Union isn't too shabby either. She is a FOX in person, holy smokes. My head turned into a whistle like Jim Carrey's character in 'The Mask.' Anyways, keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I go audition. Hopefully, I will get to the next callback and so forth.

"To me, acting is the most logical way for people's neuroses to manifest themselves, in this great need we all have to express ourselves." - James Dean

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Well, it's another week down, and it wasn't too shabby. I worked for 4 out of the 5 days. I would consider that a victory. Considering that a lot people probably didn't work more than 2 days this week. It's pilot season, which means all the new shows that you will be seeing in the fall are starting to film right now. They film now because all of the season regular shows are on hiatus, so the crew members move over to work on the new shows. Work picks up for folks like myself.

I worked on the show 'Cougar Town' on Tuesday. It was a 13 hour day. Which meant a good paycheck but also hard to catch up on sleep. It was a fun day though none the less. Plus, being on set with Courtney Cox doesn't really make for a bad day. Wednesday was one interesting day. I had a 6 am call time in Malibu. Which when you think about it, it's not that early, but... that means I've gotta wake up at 4:45 to get ready and drive there. Waking up with a "4" on the clock makes me wanna puke. The day was set on the pier. So I got to see the sun rise in Malibu, which made my $8 an hour job worth getting up that early.

That day came out to be around 14 hours and full of characters. There were a few familiar faces, which was fun. One guy, named Ira, he is a horny old man, who has been in the game for YEARS. I was in the van with him going to set, and he said probably the DIRTIEST jokes I've heard to date. And the fact that he told it at 6am really set the pace for the day. Another familiar faces was a woman named "Sinderella." I don't know her real name. That's just what she goes by. She is a skinny, tattooed, white woman who is down on her luck. A real character. She has a rap CD to boot. The only thing she raps about is smoking pot, partying, and how she hates her family. She's a real catch.

I worked on another new show yesterday called "Edgar Floats." Best part to work on that show was that I only had to drive 4 miles. THANK GOD. I was told that I was booked for 2 days on that show. As the day progresses, they picked 10 of us to go home early. Which is a catch 22. You go home early, but you miss out on the overtime money. The other kick in the balls was that the 10 of us would be apart of the recall for the following day (which is how I am writing this blog right now). But hey, this happens from time to time, and there isn't anything I can do. It's just part of what I signed up for.

I got an audition for my voice over talents last night. So that was cool. I was given the paragraph to read and record. So I got to use my ghetto closet studio for the first time. So we shall see what happens with that. I also got a call from the web series I auditioned for the other day. They want me to be apart of it, with a small reoccurring role. It's not a main character, and there is no pay. BUT... I do get copy, credit, and I get to eat. All of which are a step in the right direction.

"I don't care is people think I am an 'overactor', as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an 'overpainter.' - Jim Carrey

The Ususal Suspects

The past couple days have been pretty productive. I worked on "How I Met Your Mother" on Friday, it was the usual day. Shot a couple scenes, had a few good laughs and we were out by lunch. Which was nice because I didn't sit in the 405 HWY traffic on a Friday afternoon. Some of you know what I am talking about. For those who don't; the 405 HWY on a Friday evening is like sitting in parking lot for a good 90 mins. When it's summer, and you're A/C dosn't work, then you are S.O.L.

Random fun fact; I got a nice little shout out by the actress Christine Lakin ( Al from the show "Step by Step") via Twitter last week. I had wrote her saying hello on the off chance that she might actually read it. I did that because back in August I worked on a Feature Film she had been apart of called "You Again" with Jamie Lee Curtis and Segourney Weaver. I was upgraded to be a "Husband" of one of the featured actress'. I had gotten that upgrade because I had worked on a few other movies with the "extras coordinator" and remembered me from that. Anyways, So I was paired up with the actress Anna White (small role in 'Valentines Day' as tap dancing weather girl and multiple Broadway hits.). I worked with her for 2 weeks so I got a cool friendship out of it. So we have that mutual friend, so I thought I'd mention it.

Today I worked on the set of "FLASH FORWARD." My favorite new show this season. If you haven't seen it, you are missing out, and should catch up this summer before season 2. It was a really quick day. One scene, and there wasn't any dialogue. It's nice to be done early in the morning, but it's the overtime hours where you make the good money, so that's the catch. My friend Chuck was there again. As always, was just as goofy as ever. Telling me about his days when he used to deliver copies of porno movies from the studio to the stores. What job that sounded like. People stared at us every once in awhile because Chuck has a voice that carries. So you can imagine when "particular" words where said people wanted to know what two dudes where talking about. That was after his story about being in jail in New Orleans for a DUI. I had a full morning.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

West Side Story

For the past two days I have been working on the show 'Parks and Recreation' on-location in Hollywood. They had us park at the Hollywood Palladium parking lot. Cool fact about the Hollywood Palladium is; 5 years ago, I had caught wind of the website "Beinamovie.com" It allowed people to be in movie who were visiting Los Angeles or people who were curious. Basically they made you an extra for a cattle call, and you didn't get paid. Anyways, back then, I had no idea what an "extra" for a movie was. So I signed up because I thought it was cool to have the opportunity to be in a movie. They were filming at the Hollywood Palladium, the movie was 'Akeelah and the bee.' A spelling bee movie, so I was apart of the audience for the spelling bee. I had no idea that it was going to be a 12 hour day or that we would get feed a sack lunch. None the less, I was just happy to see the process of my very first movie set experience. That was 5 years ago, and it was just cool to see how far I had come from that point in my life.

The scenes I have been shooting take place in a club. Club scenes are the longest days. Long days don't bother me, but long days dancing to no music and holding a drink get a little old. Great money though, and having comedic talents such as Amy Poehler there made the day better. The real funny part of days like this, are the other 20 somethings I get surrounded by. This time around I had 3 couples, 2 married couples, guys with fohawks, and girls that were 19 who skipped college to become a movie start (that usually works out for them. . .) The way this goes is, the couples get annoyed with each other because of too much 'together time'(ALWAYS entertaining) the fohawk guys use their time to try to pimp the ladies around, while the 19 year old girls complain that day is too long and can't believe they were up at 4:30 in the morning.

My buddy Jason was there to keep me laughing through all this. Jason is probably one of the biggest pot smokers I know. He disappears and comes back smelling like a Dave Matthews Concert. Sometimes I will give him a ride home because he takes the bus. Which is pretty fun when you get stuck in traffic.

Today, I had the actor David Lawrence aka Puppet Master from HEROES come to my apartment and help me with getting my Voice Over career on the right track. Set me up with a mic, the software, how to use it, and I am now apart of his agency. I took classes from him in January and this kicked it into high gear. Voice Over work consists of EVERYTHING you can think of. Commercials, Movies, Tv, Radio, Over the phone recordings. So this will be another door opened and a way to expand my career to cover all my bases.

"If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great." - Tom Hanks

Some Like it Hot

The first Monday after day light savings time is always rough. It was no picnic having a 6am call time in downtown L.A. this morning. My alarm went off at 5, which really is 4am two days ago. Good thing I love my job, otherwise waking up would have been a stretch. It was a normal day, shot a chase scene which is fun to watch. It was for a new show called "Uncle Nigel." It was a nice hot day today. Which made for a a good afternoon.

The one thing that added color to my day, were the people I was surrounded by. I was paired up with a girl named Elle. She was quite the character. Very socially awkward. She would just ramble about whatever came across her mind. Everything from her being accused of being a racist from her African American roommate, to her struggles with insomnia. I had trouble coming up with reactions to what she was telling me. I also had an acquaintance named Chuck that I see from time to time on set with me today. The best way I can explain Chuck is; looks just like a bald version of the actor Steve Buscemi. With the EXACT same voice. a real character. He looks like the type of guy that would get excited about the return of the McRib at McDonald's.

Chuck also is accident prone. His latest stunt was a mishap in the kitchen. He was cooking bacon, and some grease had popped out of the pan and onto the floor. He ended up slipping on it, and catching himself by putting his fingers into the pan with the bacon cooking inside. The result, the most disgusting, blistered fingers I have ever seen. Moving on...

These are the people I interact with everyday. Each one with a different story to tell. Some are actors like myself, others do it for another source of income, and some are in between jobs. It's one hell of an experience at times. It's all apart of the ride. I know that it is hard for a lot of you to understand why I don't take a better paying job and audition on the side. In this business, I have noticed that it is best to be on set and show your face as much as you can. I can't do that if I am waiting tables and only auditioning. I'm doing what I got to do to. Small price to pay when you have a goal.

"It is hard to convince anyone of your hopes and dreams until you manifest them and prove them." - Heath Ledger

Cool Hand Luke

I worked on the show "How I Met Your Mother" yesterday. It's like going home when I work that show. This is the third season I have worked on this show as a regular. Many opportunities have come out of my experiences working on that show. I have received a SAG voucher, met the cast, and it has provided me with somewhat of a steady paycheck. Being a regular for this show has been a blessing. Made a lot of good friends working the show as well.

In this line of work the days can be 15 hours long, bad conditions, and surround by negative people. It can wear you down after awhile. But when I work that show, and see how close the cast and crew are, it reminds me why I got into this line of work in the first place. You create this family atmosphere that you don't see anywhere else. Its as if you aren't at work at all. The long hours don't bother you. Thats how I feel when I work that show, and it's that feeling that keeps my hope up that all this hustling can be worth it down the road.

Thats the one thing people don't understand when they come to HOLLYWOOD to be the next Johnny Depp or Jennifer Aniston. When they realize that it does actually take time, the negative mindset starts to settle in. Thats what makes this job the hardest. It's the mentality to overcome the people that surround you. The auditions and all the other tests you got to pass are easy. Almost every single day I hear the same conversations. The consist of people talking about SAG vouchers, how long the day is, and how unfair the process is. That is how you filter those who can stand it, and those who can. I don't plan on leaving the game anytime soon. There is no reason to take a job that doesn't make you happy. No one wants to be 50 years old and wonder what would could have happened if they actually went for the career they wanted. I apologize for having nothing funny to say, so i will leave you with a quote from "Family Guy,"

Tom Tucker: And now, here's Ollie Williams, with the BlaccuWeather Forecast. Ollie!
Ollie Williams: IT'S GON' RAIN!
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

My audition went well yesterday. It was a low budget SAG feature film. I only had to drive a couple miles down the freeway to this Holiday Inn which was nice; considering my time slot was at 4pm, the rush hour would have SUUUUCKED otherwise. The movie is called "3 Time's a Charm." I read for the roles of "Football Player" and "Trent." I read for Football Player first, and they liked what they saw, so they gave me a few pages for a character named Trent. I looked them over twice and was ready to go. They gave me the option to go back into the holding room to look it over, but it really wouldn't have made a difference if I read in 30 mins. or right there on the spot. I do better under pressure anyway, I don't have the time to worry or get nervous; which is for pussies anyways. I say that because no matter how your audition goes, your life won't change if you don't get the part, so why worry?

One of the FUNNIEST things I do notice during this process, is that I notice that some of the people are holding head shots that don't even look like them! Their hair is a different color, or they gained weight. I just don't get it. The only thing that can really get into people's heads is when you go into audition and you see the BIG table with all the other head shots laid about. Some with better resumes, better pictures, and hell some of them didn't really have to audition because they already know the director. So now we play the waiting game.

Today I went to work on the set of NCIS: L.A. It was a cattle call of 300 people, which always good for a laugh. You'll meet the good, the bad, and the ugly on these calls. First thing I saw out of the gate, was once I found the parking garage, 3 cars had pulled into the opening that had the BIG BOLD LETTERS saying DO NOT ENTER EXIT ONLY above it. Since it was 3 cars, that means that the first person made a mistake, the other two were out of PURE stupidity to follow. Which gave me a good laugh right off the bat. Pretty solid day overall. Good food always makes being on a set of 400 people (crew included) bearable.

It was a club scene, which means, a lot of 20 somethings dancing to no music holding a drink for 12 hours. It can be a little annoying after awhile. And the PA's will pair us up sometimes. Which means, they see me (red head) and pair me up with another red head or "the bottom of the barrel." Which is fine because they usually have a "good personality" which helps with conversation. She is probably thinking the same thing about me for all i know. HA! Anyways, not a bad day, good company, makes for yet another day not wasted.

East of Eden

This is the first posting. I've never been a big fan of blogs, but I have reached a point where I feel like a Facebook status change just doesn't do my day justice. I'm not implying that my life is so interesting that hundreds of thousands should follow this blog. What I am saying is, the line of work I have chosen to take part in has so many unique paths that it can be found interesting; Whether you were born into the industry, moved out here from Nowhere U.S.A. or have preformed "favors" to land 5 second guest spot on Entourage.

I personally have taken the route to incorporate music, food, and movies to describe my journey from day to day. Everyone can relate with all three. I understand the food part of this is random, but to an actor food is sometimes all we got at the end of the day. I will change the music on the playlist frequently to go with the type of week I've had, or just recommend something new that I've heard that I want to share.

Amateur Hour will be a little section that will have tips to help point out beginners mistakes I notice on a daily basis. You won't BELIEVE some of the dumbass things I see. You must understand, I deal with people who were born into the industry, moved out here from Nowhere U.S.A. or have preformed "favors" to land 5 second guest spot on Entourage.

I will also post videos of myself as I go to and from auditions and how they turned out. My twitter account is also on here for those of you who are not apart of social networking. Most importantly this is for all of you who support me and always ask how my career is going and what move I will be making next. So here it is, I hope you all enjoy, and please recommend this to people you know who; want to be an actor, just want a good laugh, or if you work in a cubicle and need a 5 minute break. I've also got to give credit for Jason Minatrea for the help with the name of this blog. Combining the two things I love the most. Acting and Food.